Skyrim and School

It is one of those days when I have to write down everything that is running through my mind so that I don't go insane. School is putting up a real fight, usually it is no match for me, but I guess that changes when you take Biology, Chemistry, and Physics all in the same semester. My counselor advised against it, but whatever. Even though I enjoy school, and I tend to get good grades, it wasn't always the case. In my freshmen year, when I first enjoyed autonomy, I played a lot of video games. I always thought that it wouldn't hurt my schooling because I had always been a good student in high school as well. Needless to say, with out studying, I didn't do very well. I almost fell in the same trap this semester. I started playing an addictive video game called Skyrim and all that mattered was getting to the next level. I sometimes would skip class to play it as well. It was only chemistry class which is currently my easiest class... Two days ago, when I came home from school, I asked my roommate how he was doing in the game because he was starting a new character in Skyrim as well. He told me that something weird had happened and that the saved files and that it had deleted itself. I was upset at first, but in the end, I found comfort in thinking that it was a blessing from Heavenly Father. I had prayed earlier that week that He would help me do better in school and help me become more spiritual. Now I feel like I have so much time where I can improve myself spiritually and academically.

Regrets

I don't have many regrets in my life. In fact, I don't know if I am able to call this a regret at all... This past summer, I worked a lot of hours at my job at Nu Skin and in the computer labs on BYU campus. I guess for a college student, I was able to make a decent amount of money this summer. What I do regret is that I wasn't able to spend as much time as I wanted to with my friends. Working from 4-10pm almost everyday and working 10-3pm most weekdays led me to miss out on a lot of things that my friends did.

Seeing that I am not a Saint, one word comes to mind as I try to describe my feeling: jealousy. As I saw my friends get closer and closer, I saw myself get further and further away. It was a feeling that I hated feeling through out the semester. I never want to feel like that again. It wasn't due to the lack of effort on my friends though, I always felt welcome when I was with them. I feel that I get so caught up in working hard for things that seem to be important in the moment will lead to losing something that is important in the long run. If taking in to account that there is a life after this, there are only two things that matters: Our relationships that we build, and the knowledge that we gain.

I learned that it is important to not get caught up in the things that influence our lives temporarily and that I should focus more on the things that will bring me true joy.

Learning From the Homeless

I went and served in the soup kitchen today and it was a great experience for me. The first was that in a twisted way, it would be worth it to be homeless. On the trays, there was plates of fish with a roll, vegetables, hot pie with ice cream, and even turkey with stuffing! This soup kitchen had been in Provo for more than 20 years and I guess it has reached out to those people that are willing to step up and serve by donating food.

My other thought was how caring these homeless people were. When we started serving them the food, I saw them give it to the person beside them. For me, that would have been the normal and the polite thing to do, but when I put myself in their shoes, I could imagine how hard it must have been. Who knows how long it had been since they had had a hot meal, and yet, when they saw the delicious food that was placed before them, they passed it on to their neighbors. My eyes teared up as I saw this and it really made me want to become better. How could these people who had nothing have nothing have so much love?  I felt that this was the ultimate example of love that a human being could show to another - the ability to give up something that you direly need and want to another.

I was awestruck by their example and will strive  to become better and better. I can't let the homeless show me up right? I guess it really is true when they say that you can learn something from anyone, anywhere, at anytime.

We are Money's Tool...

I had this thought process right before I went to bed a few weeks ago. Granted, this idea doesn't seem as revealing or world changing as it did when I first had the thought, but I still wanted to organize it.

I realized that as I started working my summer job and my income increased, so did my spending, but when I did not have a job, I had all the things that I needed to get by. I am sure that if I made even more money, that my spending would increase even more. In someways, this makes me jealous of a homeless person only for the specific reason of not being in the loop of "increased pay to increased spending." They are in the no pay, no spending cycle which seems more like a flat line than a cycle...

But anyway, does this not make it so that we are in a sense being used by money? I think this is what sets the truly wealthy from the everyday Joe. The everyday Joe is controlled by his emotions and compulsive spending when the wealthy is money's "Daddy." (My first thought was to put Money is the wealthy's female dog, but I refrained. You're welcome.)

In similarity, I found that as a college student, when I did not have any food, I wasn't hungry as much, but when I did have food, I found my self eating much more frequently. I did not change as a person, but what did? I think it is our natural instinct or social conditioning to use things that you have especially if it is something that you have worked hard to achieve. I personally lean towards social conditioning because of the way that our economic status is in with the national debt being as high as it has ever been. The society is completely fine with the idea of having Money own us. But I think everyone feels the self justification of "having earned the right" to spurge what they have earned thinking, "I deserve this, I worked hard." When does the cycle end? When will it ever be enough? I guess when we ever figure that out, all of us will be financially set and the nation wouldn't be in this financial mess.